The loss of someone..
October has not been a very good month to be honest. I think my heart seems to fall into different places then. It was sudden and you felt like your heart was being ripped apart and then without realizing, you were crying.
That happened to me a week ago, when I was studying at the lounge and moments later, I was crying. Messages were buzzing in to my phone and I remembered praying so hard to God that there will be a miracle. But there wasn't and I started to cry, and the crying slowly becomes bawling like a child.
My aunt had passed away.
She was young. She was lovely. She was someone that I know my grandparents adored, as well as my parents. She was someone who would talk kindly to me, and encouraged me to remain strong in Australia. She always extended her well wishes and she was someone close. We didn't contact often but she was always there. And I am also used to seeing her when I visited my grandparents back home because they stayed side-by-side, and I believe my parents used to that fact too. We are all used to people staying beside us, or around us that once you realize that they are gone, the emotion hit hard and you felt the emptiness straight away. You tried to tell yourself that it is not true, but it is true.
That was how I felt the last week when the news reached me. I proceeded to change my flight to be back home for the funeral. My heart was unsettled throughout the flight as I imagined what and how I would feel when I see her, and my family who was pain by this loss. Unsettled, I prayed. And when I reached there, there was no words but tears. I remember that it was extremely difficult to see her, and to see my parents, grandparents and my family members. The funeral was difficult, and so were the tears of everyone. No one expected it and no one wanted her to leave. No one. I did remember asking God: Help me. Protect my family and comfort them. Comfort all of them who are in pain. And rest in peace, my aunt.
The process of grieving was difficult but it has to start. Losing someone always feel so unnatural. Death is so unnatural. I believe that we all longed for eternity, maybe that is why when someone separated from us because of death, we felt lost. Disbelief, in fact, that this could happen. Human tries so hard to extend lifespan on earth with all the medical advances but one day, death will come. No human will escape death, no one eventually.
So, what is the most important in life then? When everything you work for are things that won't last when you die, what remains?
I already know that I will be saved, that I will be in heaven not because of whatever good and noble deeds that I have done, but because of my belief in God. I am constantly failing but God continuously shows me His grace and mercy. He is ready to forgive, and forever faithful. This is the assurance and faith that I have, that I know far exceeds the bondage of death. But can I face death readily? I wonder sometimes. I know I am still scared of death and the separation, likewise the separation with my spouse. And I do dread for the day to come too. But knowing that everything happens for the good of His people and God is always in control, I know that deep down, the voice is telling me that I will be fine. I can't say for sure how I will feel and react when the time comes but if one day God wants to bring me home, rejoice with me because it is going to be a celebration and I know that clearly. Remind me again for things to look forward to because I know where I am going and my hope is in eternal life, promised by Jesus and it is something that will not fade away. And I want to write this down so that one day when I looked back, I can tell myself that I was, am, and will be in good hands.
To my family and friends who are grieving at some stage, to my lovely cousins especially, I know that it is not easy and while we all move on in life, the void that she left will never be filled. But, may we all find real peace and love in God. And may this loss continues to strengthen us in ways that we could not imagine, and that we remain strong and faithful in our walk in life. There is answer to the questions for the meaning of life and I truly hope and pray that you can all find it. Let me know if you need help whether in company or just searching for answers, because we should never feel alone. We have each other in life.
That happened to me a week ago, when I was studying at the lounge and moments later, I was crying. Messages were buzzing in to my phone and I remembered praying so hard to God that there will be a miracle. But there wasn't and I started to cry, and the crying slowly becomes bawling like a child.
My aunt had passed away.
She was young. She was lovely. She was someone that I know my grandparents adored, as well as my parents. She was someone who would talk kindly to me, and encouraged me to remain strong in Australia. She always extended her well wishes and she was someone close. We didn't contact often but she was always there. And I am also used to seeing her when I visited my grandparents back home because they stayed side-by-side, and I believe my parents used to that fact too. We are all used to people staying beside us, or around us that once you realize that they are gone, the emotion hit hard and you felt the emptiness straight away. You tried to tell yourself that it is not true, but it is true.
That was how I felt the last week when the news reached me. I proceeded to change my flight to be back home for the funeral. My heart was unsettled throughout the flight as I imagined what and how I would feel when I see her, and my family who was pain by this loss. Unsettled, I prayed. And when I reached there, there was no words but tears. I remember that it was extremely difficult to see her, and to see my parents, grandparents and my family members. The funeral was difficult, and so were the tears of everyone. No one expected it and no one wanted her to leave. No one. I did remember asking God: Help me. Protect my family and comfort them. Comfort all of them who are in pain. And rest in peace, my aunt.
The process of grieving was difficult but it has to start. Losing someone always feel so unnatural. Death is so unnatural. I believe that we all longed for eternity, maybe that is why when someone separated from us because of death, we felt lost. Disbelief, in fact, that this could happen. Human tries so hard to extend lifespan on earth with all the medical advances but one day, death will come. No human will escape death, no one eventually.
I already know that I will be saved, that I will be in heaven not because of whatever good and noble deeds that I have done, but because of my belief in God. I am constantly failing but God continuously shows me His grace and mercy. He is ready to forgive, and forever faithful. This is the assurance and faith that I have, that I know far exceeds the bondage of death. But can I face death readily? I wonder sometimes. I know I am still scared of death and the separation, likewise the separation with my spouse. And I do dread for the day to come too. But knowing that everything happens for the good of His people and God is always in control, I know that deep down, the voice is telling me that I will be fine. I can't say for sure how I will feel and react when the time comes but if one day God wants to bring me home, rejoice with me because it is going to be a celebration and I know that clearly. Remind me again for things to look forward to because I know where I am going and my hope is in eternal life, promised by Jesus and it is something that will not fade away. And I want to write this down so that one day when I looked back, I can tell myself that I was, am, and will be in good hands.
To my family and friends who are grieving at some stage, to my lovely cousins especially, I know that it is not easy and while we all move on in life, the void that she left will never be filled. But, may we all find real peace and love in God. And may this loss continues to strengthen us in ways that we could not imagine, and that we remain strong and faithful in our walk in life. There is answer to the questions for the meaning of life and I truly hope and pray that you can all find it. Let me know if you need help whether in company or just searching for answers, because we should never feel alone. We have each other in life.
Loves, Susan
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