My life here in Melbourne.

I do decide that I need to write an update on this. How irresponsible of me to leave a 'how are you' featured post there and never give an answer. So, how are you? How am I?

I am good.

Lol. So not answering the question. But yes, do allow me to elaborate further on this. As time goes and as the time I am writing this, I do love my life here but trust me when I say that I do struggle to come to eventually love my life here. 

It is not about the place though. It has never been about the place, but the people. And yes, whoever that is reading now, if you know me personally, yes it is about you. I think why I find it difficult to settle down here initially is being so far away from family and friends that I love especially when I have grown to be so used to the life back home.
 

The struggles..

I do not consider myself to be very attached, in fact, I do think I am quite independent. So this feeling was quite unfamiliar and caught me in surprise. I would have never thought that I will miss home as much. But as I grow older, I realize I do love the comfort of being surrounded by people I love. I enjoy the close distance that I had last time when it was just few hours bus journey back home. I don't necessarily call or visit home every week but it is always there, just within a few hours. I know that it is always there, and it is always a place that I can run to.  I love that I got to meet up with my long-time high school friends every time I am back home, it is this sense of comfort to share and to laugh about things, to provide support and encouragement. I also find myself loving the colleagues, the friends that I made in PETRONAS. Again, we don't hang out very often, but they are always there, greeting me when I started my work, sharing the joy of finishing the presentation and supporting one another when it was stressful. I even came to enjoy my work, even though I did complaint about the reports, the meeting, but it is fun. Tiring, but fun. And I actually learned what does it mean to be a geologist - a very cool job that I would have never thought I will end up doing.

And all these, make it much harder for me to let go and to settle down in a new place. It was the time that I felt lost because I have no jobs, no family and no friends. Contrary to what most people think, having no jobs when I first moved here was actually very hard for me. 'It is good that you don't need to work!' many people told me. But if I do have the choices, I would prefer to work. It is so out of character for me to stay at home. Some people do love to stay at home all day which is alright because different personality will have different social needs and different ways of recharging. For me, I am active and quite an extrovert (surprising or not lol) so I am yearning to do and learn something. Staying at home does not fulfill my social needs and I feel that I have wasted my time and life here. I wanted to study but I am unsure on what course to take. I can do child care but what if I still cannot find job? What if I don't like it? Paying 30k for tuition fee does not yet justify the values to me. Waking up not knowing what to do or where to start is a terrible feeling.

I got so homesick that I actually cried a few times when I was initially here. Funny how it seems no? Melbourne was a place so familiar but I still got so homesick. I missed my life back home so much so that the startling difference of life that I am having here makes me wonder whether it is one that I will come to enjoy and love.

But, everything starts to fall into places. 

Looking back, I believe it is a learning curve that I am trying to adapt but most importantly, I thank God for the people He sent to me. It was the time that I poured out to my husband about my worries and troubles that I could never measure up to the life I had back home and felt like it will never be the same. I learn to depend on him and realize that it is alright to let go and it is also okay that my life is to be not-the-same. Life meant to be different at every stage and it is a challenge itself. But, the most important piece is he is there and will always be there for me. That is why we are married. He listens and he cares. He comforts me when I cry and does not judge me on how silly I am for complaining about this homesickness which I was getting ridiculed for sometimes but instead, he acknowledges that it is not easy for me and it is alright.

Then, the second piece came in. During that first 6 months, I was in the church office often to visit my husband during lunch break since he worked in the church office. Perhaps through my words and interaction with the office staff, they saw what I could not see within myself. Still, thinking back I had no idea why they picked me because immediately when there was a part-time position opened in church for administrative work, they thought of me. Even though it is only a one-day position and it is something different from what I did before, I gladly took it. It means a lot to me, especially when job application has not been going well. Geologist jobs in Melbourne are probably not ones that you will see it advertised every day and applying jobs have been difficult. I accepted it with gratitude and started working immediately. And that was 2 years ago. 

Now, I am still working in the church office as a part-time but with more responsibility and workload. My 1-day position has now extended to almost 4-days position. It all happened in these 2 years. As I worked during these two years, I established friendship with my colleagues and the love and care that extend beyond the office. Church has always been a loving community to me, although not perfect. I did not grow up as a Christian but my experience with church has always been the one that is very pleasant. Back home, through church, I have met so many wonderful people. We are all not blood-related or business-related, we care and love because we care and love just like how God told us too.  It was amazing and still is. Our small group continues to welcome people who would join us for meeting every fortnightly and they are from different countries, backgrounds and cultures. I continue to meet wonderful people who just genuinely care for me and pray for me when I am in need. And that, motivates me to do what I am doing right now because the message can indeed transform life.

I will not sugarcoat everything because even if it is a church setting, I am also dealing with human who is not perfect and will never be. Throughout my two years, I met my fair share of problem and they can be frustrating at times. But beyond the problems, I can always turn to my colleagues who are now my dearest friends to pour out my worries and anxiety, and they will listen, offer me advice, pray for my strength and wisdom in every situation. The warmth that I find from people who genuinely care for me in the small group and workplace, coupled with the fact that I know for sure what I am doing here lies a purpose far greater than myself, make my work and life every day, so very worthwhile.


Which is why, my answer is good. Sorry this good has taken such a long paragraph haha. I have come to realize that I have my loved ones here too and my God so I will never be alone. Life can be challenging or uncomfortable, but as long as I am not alone, I know I am in a good hand.

I hope this serves as an encouragement for you who are probably facing the same problems at some stages of your life. It is okay that it is not okay at the moment. Reach out when you need because you should not feel alone and should never be. Catch up with me if you do feel that because I want to help. I do want to care and love too because the love that I received so far is so abundant than anything in this world. And I am grateful, forever grateful for that.

Till then~~~
Singing: Hope you feel the love tonighttttttt ~~~

PS: Officially announce my new blog. Stay tuned for more!

~ Loves, Susan