Week 8: First ultrasound scan..

Disclaimer: Baby is currently 20 weeks now. This was the throwback post haha. Thank God so much for such a wonderful blessing and answering my prayers. Have fun reading the journey ahead that leads to 20th week now :)

We scheduled our first ultrasound scan in my week 8 pregnancy. Honestly I did wish that the ultrasound scan could be earlier but what I have learned throughout my first pregnancy is that I need to learn to be patient. 

The hardest part of pregnancy for me is always the waiting. I honestly feel myself wresting everyday with the fear of not knowing what happened inside my body vs I want to know it asap. But I know I have to wait. The baby needs time to grow and I need to give the baby time. But man it is so hard. 😢

Ultimately, I relented. Usually first pregnancy scan happened around week 7-9 so week 8 is a nice time and probably more so for me because this scan will happen after my Pfizer second dose. I had my first dose without knowing I was already pregnant, so I went ahead with my second dose while I was pregnant. I needed to know the effect of the vaccine and I know having the scan after both doses will give me greater reassurance. And I need it. How desperately I need it. 

On the day of scan..

We missed the timing to take train (got roadworks again!!) so we ended up taking uber. On the uber, I was a nervous wreck. I was quiet and my hand was shaking. I was just... Too scared. What if this scan shows the same result as my first pregnancy with the most dreaded news? I reflected on the first time I received the news: Sorry, the baby heartbeat has stopped. This bad memory seems like something that kept replaying in my mind and I felt my heart aching so so badly and I prayed. I felt so helpless and so I prayed. 

I know I shouldn't fear and worry and I know I can trust Him for whatever He plans for me but honestly, now and then is the test of my personal faith. Can I fully trust God for the outcome and cast away all my worries and anxieties? The head knowledge is one thing (Yes I know I should trust God) but I need to follow it with my heart and action. I tried to take a deep breath because I know it's something I have to learn. Letting go, failing but trying again. I need to learn. 

We prayed again as husband and wife before going in the clinic. We entrust the result to Him. And then I saw my ultrasonographer, R who was also my friend. She gave me reassuring smile that she would come to me soon. 

During the scan..

I was called in finally after about 15 minutes wait with super full bladder. ( I was so nervous I drank too much water Ha). She smiled at me and once again reassured me that everything is going to be okay. 

Lying down, I did the pelvic ultrasound first. And there you go, a little pod that showed a baby and the heartbeat. She can measure it, there's heartbeat. I looked at the screen, loss for the words. She asked me to clear the bladder because she is going to do the transvaginal ultrasound next. 

The small pod there. And there is heartbeat.

As I sit on the toilet bowl, I cried. Not the most glamorous place to cry I admit Ha.  But man I cried and continue to give my thanks to God. Oh God, thank you so so much for this blessing. Weird that I prayed in the toilet? But well, that is what I usually do since I know I can always talk to God wherever I want haha. I was so scared that there wasn't any heartbeat but there was. And to be able to see a healthy baby thriving was all that matter. I took some time to recollect myself then we proceeded to transvaginal scan. 

Then there you go, a gestational sac with baby, she showed me the baby, the blinking of the screen showing the heartbeat. She said everything was looking normal, baby size was normal as week 8 baby, yolk sac was normal, only then the heartbeat was a little bit fast, consistently getting around 170-180. She asked me to relax and I did try to but she kept getting the same result. So she asked me to take a break and a walk outside to calm myself down so hopefully the heartbeat rate would come back normal. 

A little clearer picture when doing transvaginal ultrasound. And yes, heartbeat was a little fast around 185-190 this time.

We took a walk outside to calm ourselves down. 

Finally a smile. I told my husband though heart rate being fast was something worrying as well but it was so so much better than nothing. I felt myself relax a little there. 

We went back for another check though the heart rate was still fast. But R said it might not be something serious and we don't need to worry so much as we just need to follow up with another scan. We agreed and I told her it's really good enough news for me. To be able to see a baby with heartbeat, growing was all that I asked for. 

On the tram back, I looked up to the sky and said my prayer. Oh God, how faithful You are. Thank you so much. If this baby is in your will, help me to grow and nurture this baby, for I can do nothing apart relying on You. I mean there's literally nothing I can do to control any part of this pregnancy and so I can only leave it to You. Help me to trust You, Amen. 

I finish this post with an address to my baby again. 

Dear Baby, 

It's so so so good to see you in scan mode today. It's the first time we have seen you in scan mode and mummy cries again. (Oh you probably will come to learn that your mummy is a cry baby because she cries so easily haha)  

But you, you are such a blessing to us. You know, we don't know whether you are a boy or a girl yet, but to us, that doesn't matter. We only want you to be healthy and to have this first glimpse of you thriving inside mummy's womb makes my heart so so full. 

Mummy still feel nauseous and fatigue all the times but it's okay. I will embrace it as the new experience that comes along having you. Most importantly, you know you are so wonderfully made by our creator God and I just can't wait to see you and embrace you, and show you how wonderful our God is.

May you continue to grow and thrive healthily. We love you so so much little one, thanks for coming into our life 💓 See you in next scan, hopefully by then your heart don't beat too fast okay? 😂

Loves,

Mummy