Day 1 - The Plus Sign. Is it Real??

Author's Note: So, this is a throwback post for about a month ago when I first found out I was pregnant. Actually, I have lost this baby and had a miscarriage. Initially, I wanted to publish all the posts after my first trimester announcement but thing does not turn out well. Since I have been recording my pregnancy journey for the past 35 days in draft mode, I still decide to publish all posts to look back and reflect on this journey.

So, welcome to this space. One that recorded my ups and downs throughout the past 35 days, from when I first found out I was pregnant to the day that I found out that I have lost the baby. It is one that is full of pain, but ultimately one that gives me hope and faith. This post is particularly challenging because it recorded my raw feeling when I found out about my pregnancy - the joy and the love. It still gives me tears, but I hope by reading these few posts, you will be able to share in my journey and understand even more deeply what I have been going through. It finally is a closure but I hope you will also be encouraged and inspired to find God in the midst of this painful, yet blessed journey of mine. So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Thank you for reading these posts, praying, sharing and journeying with me.

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Day 1

As I am writing this at 745am, I realize this was one of those unusual days that I woke up super early. For the record, I woke up since 6am this morning to pee and hasn't been able to get back to sleep again. The same has been going on for a few nights in the last week but I used to think that it's just my usual midnight pee run. Yes, used to think...Well, because this happened!!!!!

Hehehe. I know right!  😆

I have been missing period for the 5th day in a roll and despite some tell-tale signs, I thought the symptoms such as bloating and light spotting are due to late period instead of pregnancy. We did plan for it of course but with the past few months of trying and disappointment that follows, I think I have conditioned myself to think that it's a false alarm again. 

But I am getting really anxious because period is late and apparently the test result won't be accurate if we test too early. I really want to know so I am in this tug of war - should I test it to confirm? But if I test too early then the result won't be certain? What if it's negative? Yesterday then, I decided it's enough of guessing work and I detour to chemist to buy a pregnancy test kit. 

See I even buy 3 tests instead of 1! I think my mind still think maybe it's just a late period haha. 

We plan to at first test on the 7th day of missed period but since I already bought it, so let's do this! Both of us were at home (husband also working from home) and we slowly unboxed this kit, reading the instruction and preparing our heart. 

Instruction is long but I know what I am expecting then. The plus sign! A very strong plus sign!! 😂

Hubby prayed for me before we tested as we committed the result into God's hand. We tell God that if it's in His will,  then we will gladly and happily receive this gift with joy. If the result is negative then, husband said: God, let Susan not be too sad about it. HAHA. I giggled when I heard his prayer and added: Yes God, I will try 😂Though in all honesty, I think I will be sad and disappointed if it's negative, but deep down I know I am in good hands since it is all in His perfect timing. 

So off the toilet we go! (With me being super nervous and can't even pee much but luckily still enough to do the urine test 😂)

The strip immediately change to pink colour upon contact with urine (which proves that it's working) and we waited anxiously to see the result. But well it doesn't even take one minute! Once the strip changes colour, the screen immediately shows plus sign like 2 seconds after. 

Husband: You are confirmed pregnant la, it didn't even take one minute! 😂

Me: Sure or not!! This thing accurate ma 😅 You sure you sure? Really?

My response was so full of amazement and just uncertainty because I really want the result to be positive. So is this happening? Really? Not bluffing me? 

Well, the box did say its over 99% accurate so I guess I can trust it then. When the reality kicked in, I remembered I hugged my hubby and cried happy tears like little kids. This time, I prayed for us and I just continue giving thanks to God for blessing us this wonderful gift. 

For I really wish and long for this to happen, and I know God knows. When it does happen, my joy just overflows and I can't help but giving thanks. There is a precious little one who is growing inside my womb now ❤

We tried to take picture with the plus sign. Zoom in the plus sign please haha. 

What happened after is all in a whirlwind because now what we googled is: pregnancy. From the due date calculator, I can roughly estimate when my week is and we also decided to immediately go see GP for confirmation. We tried to find a bulk-billed clinic and managed to book an appointment at 440pm which was the last session of the day. The doctor arrange a blood test for me to confirm the pregnancy. The blood test result will also help to decide when my first ultrasound scan will be since if I am still very early in my pregnancy, the doctors probably can't see anything through the ultrasound. Ideally the first scan should happen between week 7-9, according to Google. (Google is my best friend now haha. I googled everything from things to avoid to eat to how baby forms in the past 24 hours 😂)

So later today, I will be going for a blood test! 😃

Well, what can I say? Exciting time ahead indeed 😉

And I will finish this post not with my own thoughts but a post to this little wonder in my womb now. 

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Dear Baby, 

Apparently you are now just a size of an orange seed, so small but something amazing is happening to you! You will start to form heart and brain next week and mummy just find it sooo amazing how you can grow from an orange seed to a baby 😂

I hope you know from this post that daddy and mummy have been waiting for you anxiously, even on the day mummy is waiting for the test result. You are a precious gift from God to us, and we give thanks for you. 

Even before seeing you in person, the fact that you are already here made me felt so much gratefulness, joy and love. Daddy and mummy love you so much even though we haven't seen you yet. ❤

 

But we will see you in the next ultrasound! Please continue to grow up healthily inside and I will feed you lots of nice and healthy food!  😂

Loves, 

Mummy and Daddy